21.It's no use!
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

22.Clean cups
Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat.
Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.
'No thanks,' said Doug. 'I'll just have a cup of black coffee.'
'I'll have black coffee too,' Bill said. 'And please make sure the cup is clean.'
The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off in to the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.
'Two cups of black coffee,' she announced. 'Which one of you wanted the clean cup?'

23.Menu Card
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Waiter: ...!!

24.Old age
Old woman : 'Doctor I have severe pain in my right leg'.
Doctor : 'That is due to old age'.
Old woman : 'But both of my legs are of the same age'.
Doctor : ?!

25.I'm a cat
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!

26.Eye pain
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

27.A minutes work
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like

28.Counting Time
A man rushed into the doctor's office, jumped on the doctor's back, and started screaming, 'One! Two! Three! Four!'

'Wait a minute!' yelled the doctor, struggling to free himself.

'What do you think you're doing?'

'Well, doctor,' said the eccentric man, 'they did say I could count on you!'

29.Telephone
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone.

Doctor: Why's that?

Patient: I keep getting calls in the night.

30.Be patient!
A person went to doctor and told, 'I could not be patient(endure) for anything doctor'.

The doctor replied, 'Oh! Then You go and sit out, I will call you after consulting the others'.

31.DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down,it atomatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

32.Frog meets a Psychic
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

33.Why firemen have dogs.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. 

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. 

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck." 

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

34.Frog on the head
A man walks into a doctors office one day with a frog on his head.

He sits down and the doctor says, "What's the problem?"

The frog says, "Doctor, is there any way you can get this wart off my ass?"

35.Bzzzzz!!
What does a bee do with it's stinger before he goes to bed???

He put's it in his honey!!

36.Rabbit and Bear
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No, of course not!"

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit!

37.Lucky dog
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.

38.Dog life...
Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?

Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives..

39.Chicken and the Egg
So, the chicken and the egg were in bed, the chicken is sitting up, smoking a cigarette, and says "Well, I guess that answers THAT question!!!"

40.Skunks
What do you call a pair of skunks that are 69'ing?

OdorEaters!!/p>

41.99 Click
Q. What goes 99 click?
A. A centipede with a wooden leg.

42.Doctor, Doctor!
"Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"
"2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train."

"Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pack of cards!"
"I'll deal with you later."

"Doctor Doctor - I feel like a needle!"
"I see your point."

"Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself togerther man!"

"Doctor Doctor - I have 59 seconds to live!"
"Wait a minute will ya!

43.Good news?
A doctor tells his patient -
"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you".

So, the patient asks, "What's the good news, Doc?"

And the doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you!"

44.New Medication
Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative?

It's called "Easy Come, Easy Go".

45.Give Them a Shock
Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?

To prepare them for the bill!

46.Who's God?
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!

47.Call the Doctor
After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in CPR."

The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder.

"When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I'm already here!"

48.Sight of Money
I was sorry to hear that a friend of mine dropped out of med school. He really wanted to be a doctor, but just couldn't stand the sight of money.

49.Getting Better
Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better?
Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...

50.Is It Serious?
Patient: Tell me, doctor. Is it serious?
Doctor: Well, I wouldn't advise you to start watching any serials on TV.

51.The Shoplifter...
The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"

52.May I take your order...
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.

She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, -

"You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

53.Mail carriers.
What kind of drugs are mail carriers not tested for?

SPEED!